


listen, rewind and pass it on

by byzinha



Series: the captain canary collectanea [9]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: 13 Reasons Why au, Canon Compliant, Future Fic, Gen, I PROMISE it won't be as depressing or brutal as the show/book, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-10-15 20:20:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10557118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byzinha/pseuds/byzinha
Summary: Hello, boys and girls. Leonard Snart, here, live and in stereo. No return engagements, no encore, and this time, absolutely no requests.or the one where they learn what they had to do with Captain Cold's death.





	1. Prologue: Tape 1, Side A

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there yall! I'm back!  
> I know I've been promising that sequel to "down the spiral" and I swear it is started in some random file in my computer, but I have these fics I have to finish and I was like "gotta get through this first!". Until, well, 13 Reasons Why was released and you have to understand that that is one of my favorite books ever.
> 
> NOW, before anything else you've got to know that I don't plan on writing something as depressing as the show/book. I'm adding a twist to it that will be better explored in chapter 1, so bear with me, okay?  
> Also, I know that this prologue is practically copy-past of the beginning of Hannah's first tape. **That won't repeat through the fic!**  
>  There will be at least 14 chapters and let's have faith that I finish it before season 3 starts #fff
> 
> I'd like to thank Kita (crazygirlne) for beta reading this for me ^^  
>  **Legends of Tomorrow and Flash belong to DC; 13 Reasons Why belongs to Jay Asher. I don't own any right over their plot or characters.**
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments section, okay? Please? Thank you!  
> I hope you enjoy the ride!

_Hello, boys and girls. Leonard Snart, here, live and in stereo. No return engagements, no encore, and this time, absolutely no requests._

_I hope you’re ready, because I’m about to tell you the story of my life. More specifically, why my life ended. And if you’re listening to these tapes, you’re one of the reasons why._

_I’m not saying which tape brings you into the story. But fear not, if you received this lovely little box, your name will pop up… I promise._

_Now, why would a dead man lie?_

_Hey! That sounds like a joke. Why would a dead man lie? Answer: because he can’t stand up. Go ahead. Laugh._

_Oh, well. I thought it was funny._

_The rules are pretty simple. There are only two. Rule number one: you listen. Number two: you pass it on. Hopefully, neither one will be easy for you. When you’re done listening to all thirteen sides – because there are thirteen sides to every story – rewind the tapes, put them back in the box, and pass them on to whoever follows your little tale. And you, lucky number thirteen, you can take the tapes straight to hell. Depending on your religion, maybe I’ll see you there._

_In case you’re tempted to break the rules, understand that I did make a copy of these tapes. Those copies will be released in a very public manner if this package doesn’t make it through all of you._

_This was not a spur-of-the-moment decision._

_Do not take me for granted… again._

* * *

 

Ray Palmer hit the stop button, feeling sweat dampen his hair. The shoebox with the tapes looked so innocent at first, a call back to a past that didn’t look so far away, when he used to listen to the radio and try to hit REC at the exact moment his favorite song would start.

This was no happy mixtape.

Leonard Snart died – for Mick, for him, for the world - and it hadn’t been easy to live with it for anyone, as he saw at depressing breakfast tables and drunken movie nights. No history changes could fix this.

Why did he feel the need to tell them about their part in his death like this? What would be Leonard’s point? Hadn’t it been heartbreaking already to remember every day that their friend was forever gone?

Ray looked down at the Walkman in his hands. He couldn’t believe he actually had the chance to dig the little player from his belongings in order to play the tape. The front of the case was transparent, and he could see the #1 written with white marker. His fingers rubbed the play button as he considered his options.

A couple of minutes in and he already knew that Leonard was right – it wouldn’t be an easy journey. Ray thought over the rules. You listen, you pass it on.

You listen, you wait to see when your name will pop up and why, you pass it on.

You listen.

He would listen.

Ray pressed play.


	2. Tape 1, Side A

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who read the prologue, I'm glad to know I caught some of y'alls attention. Here's for chapter 1, you'll finally get through that first side.
> 
> Now, one quick note in case you're still traumatized by _13 Reasons Why_ , because I know that that's the type of show/story that people either love or absolutely hate: this fic is about how people changed Leonard's life. You'll have to read to figure out if it was for better or for worse, but if you've been paying close attention to the show(s) you're watching I bet you already know the answer *wink wink*
> 
> Thanks again to Kita (crazygirlne) for looking over this chapter and making it intelligible.  
> And please, let me know what you think at the end of the chapter! I hope I'll see you all soon with Side B! x

_Ready, Mr. Rory?_

Mick Rory was first. Mr. Snart's lifelong friend. Out of all the acquaintances Martin Stein shared with Leonard Snart, Mr. Rory was the only one he was sure would be in these tapes when he started to listen.

To be honest, Stein had no idea what he himself had to do with Mr. Snart's little stunt, but he was curious enough to find out.

A sound very similar to a chuckle filled his ears. It was so foreign coming from Snart that the professor frowned.

_You know, until we arrived at the Waverider, I only ever remember the guards at juvie calling you 'Mr. Rory.' You'd stand there with your back straight and your head high after witnessing or doing something reckless, and the guards would try to break you._

" _Mr. Rory! Do you happen to know who set Mr. Flores's bed on fire with him in it?"_

" _Not a clue, sir."_

 _You never broke. Unbendable, was what the other boys called you. Nothing and no one could make you do something if you didn't want to do it. I was there for a couple of hours and already had heard a lot about you. 'Unbendable Mick burned his house down with his family inside,' they gossiped. 'Don't look him in the eye, kid. He doesn't like_ anyone _.'_

_Well, you liked me. Or at least you pitied me, I could never figure it out. Until this day, I don't know what moved you._

_I traced down all of the things that led me to where I am right now, and they took me back to that day. My first day of juvie._

_Some of you already know this story._

Sara hit pause and looked around her room. Laurel's apartment in Star City still felt so foreign for her, even though it was one of her favorite places in the world and she'd been living here for a couple of months already. Those tapes came to her during a lull and shook her world.

After everything, she didn't think she'd hear Leonard's voice again.

She got up and opened the closet door. On the top shelf there was a bag she had packed at the Waverider and hadn't dared unpack yet. She wasn't ready for it, but now it was time. Sara hooked the Walkman on her belt and reached out for the bag, pulling it out with little difficulty. There wasn't much in there, just a few gun parts and a couple of jackets that didn't belong to her.

Sara opened the zipper. The first thing on top of the contents was one of Kendra's jackets, Sara's favorite out of all of Hawkgirl's outfits. It was cashmere in a soft yellow shade, and it still smelled like Kendra. It was different from the black jacket under it that Sara would wear every now and then, when nights would get too cold no matter how Gideon's calefaction system worked.

Putting aside Kendra's jacket, Sara reached for the other one. The material was a lot heavier and much warmer, made to keep the temperature inside. It sort of saved her life once. On automatic, she put the jacket on, knocking her earbuds off in the process. That little drop brought her back to her body, for before it felt like she was suspending above it all, out of control of her movements.

The jacket was still too big, the sleeves still too long. Sara didn't know why she thought something would have changed. Not even the smell of ice was different, even though it was certainly fainter. She snaked her arms through the hem of the sleeves and folded the extremities twice in order for her fingers to show up, and then she put the earbuds back on.

There was a reason she was dragged to that bag, to that jacket. Sara unhooked the Walkman from her belt and pushed aside the dust encrusted between the buttons. She was lucky Laurel still had it in a box in her office. The colorful Walkman filled with pink stickers brought back memories of Spice Girls songs at the top of their lungs. Sara was always Posh, and Laurel was always Ginger.

Ginger had been the first to leave. If Sara remembered right, it devastated Laurel more than when Justin Timberlake left the N'Sync years later, and N'Sync was a Big Deal for the sisters.

… _know this story. The story of the first time I thought I would really die._

She was wearing the same jacket from when she first heard that story. Leonard's jacket that she took from his room after the Oculus and cried with on her way home, hoping to tell her sister about the man who put her first so many times.

Her sister had not been home at the time. She wouldn't ever be home again.

Sara had still yet to tell someone about him.

_I was easily one of the smallest and skinniest kids at juvie. I know you all saw me as this marvelous self, but yes, there was a time when 14-year-old Leonard Snart didn't stand as a threat. Embarrassing much, huh? I was doomed to be one of those kids, you know? The one that takes daily beatings and has to do things for the older boys._

_And those boys wanted to let me know right away._

_Now, I'm sure some of you watched enough movies to understand that the correctional system resembles a mafia in many ways, and yes, it does mean that a lot of things go down with the lights off._

_I invite you to take a moment to think about it from my point of view now. One of my oldest memories, if not the very first I can remember, is about Lewis teaching me how to disable a safe alarm. I was about four, I believe, and if my mind is not playing tricks with me, those were the only times he held me as if he cared about me._

_See, it was after the emerald. Remember, Jax? After that, nothing was the same._

_Like that damn Drake song that the kid likes to listen to on repeat._

_Mick, I think you were the only person I met that never went out of your way to impress your father. From what you told me over thirty years, I gather that you didn't want to listen to him, didn't want to make him proud, didn't nothing. All you've ever wanted was a way out. But me, I wanted to impress Lewis, for most of my life. Even when the days were bad and he was worse, part of me believed that if I did what he wanted me to do right, then we'd be alright._

_So I guess you can imagine how frightened I was when I screwed that bank robbery and the cops arrived. You can imagine how terrifying it was to sit in front of the judge and hear my sentence with only Mother and Grandpa to back me up, the dread running in my veins as I had to strip down my clothes in exchange for that hideous uniform._

_I knew I was easy prey. I've known all along, walking those corridors, being set in the bunker with six other boys all bigger than me. You were one of them, Mick, casually flicking a lighter. You smelled of cigarettes, and I remember relating the smell with danger. Unbendable Mick set his house on fire._

_The only vacant bed was under yours, and it only took them the seconds I needed to put my things on top of the naked mattress to gang up around me. There were five of them, but in my mind it always felt like more. I keep having to go back to that moment when I first entered the room and I counted. Two, four, six. Three bunks, one single bed. Why is there a single bed?_

_I asked you that, remember? You grunted an answer that I couldn't make out, and I let it be._

_Kicks and punches were things I was used to, but never that many from so many people. I knew how to turn and twist to take Lewis' blows with less impact, but every time I twisted and turned from one of them, there was another waiting on the other side._

_I thought I was going to die before I saw the shiv._

_I knew I was going to die when I saw the shiv._

' _Well, that's something Lewis never dared,' I remember thinking. I raised my hand to wipe the blood from a cut on my forehead when the metal of the shiv caught on the outside light, and because my arm was raised, my left side was exposed._

_In those split seconds, I did some math. If I slid from the bed to the floor, what would be worse – taking that shiv on my shoulder or being kicked to death? I had less than a moment to choose the way I wanted to die, and surprisingly enough, my mind went home._

_Well… Lisa wouldn't say it was surprising, right, Sis?_

_Thing was, I thought 'But what about Mother and the baby? Who's gonna help her protect little Lisa?' And that is the_ only _explanation I have for pushing one of those bullies away. I remember I left a handprint in blood on his white tee and how it stunned me. I don't know why it stunned me; blood wasn't a new concept._

_Perhaps it had been the action that brought that air of shock to my extremities. Middle school game: never have I ever pushed back. If you push back, there are consequences. Bad ones, in the form of sharp, dirty shivs._

_Until you jumped from your bed, kicking Shiv Guy right on the chest in the process. I had never seen anyone move like that in my life, Mick, breaking some bones with ease, pushing heads against beds, kicking at knees and daring them to continue without saying a word._

_They were terrified of you, those guys, and they all cowered in one of the bunks. It was such a ridiculous sight, six big guys overwhelmed with fear of one dude. Not just one dude, but Unbendable Mick._

_You didn't speak much, but you offered the top bunk to me and helped clean the cut on my forehead before the next patrol came and took me to the infirmary along with the other hurt. No one said it had been you who broke their bones._

_Top bunk meant leadership on any normal day, but it was never a normal day when you were involved. Offering the top bunk to me meant that you had my back._

_You didn't even know me. Do you have any idea what it meant to me?_

_No one ever had had my back before until you came along._

_I think…_

Leonard went silent for a while. Long enough for Jax to look over from where he was polishing his tools to the old boom box in his garage. Long enough to think over all the times they took Mick for granted the past months and how it screwed them over.

Mick was a man of many layers and thick skull, and the only one who knew how to handle him was Snart.

Jax missed the old man.

_I think that's when I decided that I should watch your back too. And probably, in the meantime, I thought that you needed me more than I needed you._

_You are one reckless fellow, Mick, and more than once I had to take over in order to keep us alive. So unbendable that I had to walk around you in order to get us somewhere._

_Like I said, you never did or did not do something if you didn't want to. And after we became partners again, with our shiny new guns and brand new nicknames, it was hard to visualize a future you weren't part of, so I had to find a way to bring you with me to this ship. I had to find a way to make you stay in this ship._

_Believe me, I know I did it wrong in 2046. I often took your loyalty for granted when I shouldn't have, and it became stronger than me, this need of having you around._

_By trying to keep you close, I pushed you away. Betrayed you, even._

_I hurt you and hurt myself, and for that we were almost irreparably broken._

_I don't know, maybe we're broken still._

_Today, you came over and you brought me a beer, complained about the weird sexual tension between Raymond, Kendra and Other Carter, and we joked about that time in 1994 when you dated that Ramona girl from Keystone and how she was constantly jealous of me._

_Did it feel forced, the way we laughed? I hope not._

_Things are going to shit, Mick, and I've had this list ready for a while now, but that chat… it brought me to the fabrication room to ask Gideon to make me a K7 recorder and some K7 tapes._

_It all circles back to you, my old friend._

_It was you who showed me the value of friendship and partnership and team. You showed me, even if unintentionally, that there's more._

_And it was because of you, mostly, that I started believing that I could have more. Not_ be _more, you heard correctly. Being more was someone else's idea, and his time will come soon, fear not._

_That's right, Mick, I could have more. Every day of those thirty years with us meeting and falling apart over and over like opposing magnets I concluded that it was a possibility, but it was just on that day that I had to take you out of the ship and deal with it that I understood the consequences of taking it too far._

_I'm sorry, my friend, I really am. But believe me when I tell you that you can have more, too. Hell, part of me thinks that you already know that, but you still might think you're not worth it._

_You're worth it, Mick. Tell him, guys. You all know._

They don't. They have no idea. Why would they?

Sitting on the floor of their old apartment – the same from that time in 1994, when he dated Crazy Ramona – Mick looked over the window. This apartment was the only place he knew that still had a K7 player. It also was the place where he had hidden his Chronos suit. The place where maybe, _just maybe_ , he and Leonard had had something else, and where they partially raised little Lisa.

_Or don't you?_

_Stick around, Mick. There's more for you any moment, I promise._


	3. Tape 1, Side B

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, hello! I'm sorry it took a while for this chapter to come, but I so happened to suddenly find myself with waaaaaaay too many WIPs in my hands, plus college, so I had to prioritize some things. BUT I'M WRITING! Slower than what's fair, but writing all the same.
> 
> I'd like to thank everyone who's been reading and reviewing, y'all rule! I hope you keep enjoying the read, and I hope I'll see you all again soon. :D  
> Have fun!

_Hello again, thank you for sticking around. If you are here, you're either A) Mick, and you can't wait to hear the stories that come next until you find your second tape, or B) someone else anxious to see if this is_ your _tape._

_Fear not, boys and girls, your moment will come at the exact right time._

_I'm telling you, I have it aaaaaall figured out. Took some time, but I get it now, all the pieces in their places._

There was a pause there, and not because Barry hit the stop button, but because Leonard stopped talking. In the distance, he could hear voices, and if he squeezed his brain just a little, he'd guess it was Jax and Stein talking.

Barry was very worried about those tapes, but against everything he stood for, he had been forcing himself to listen at a normal pace, like everyone else.

In all honesty, he was afraid of his part in Cold's death and curious to see how Snart saw what happened since he visited him in Iron Heights a little over a year ago.

He heard the sound of steps and the light whoosh of doors closing, and then Snart sighed.

_Shall we continue?_

_Once upon a time, there was a brother who, despite everything, just wanted the best for those he loved. No, sis, there's no need to sit straighter yet; this is not your tape._

_This is your boyfriend's. Señor Cisco Ramon._

Okay, that was weird. Never in her life would Lisa have thought that Cisco would be important enough to make it to Len's list of people who deserved an explanation. Or wasn't it what her brother was doing, giving them explanations as to why he decided to take Mick's place?

Despite Lenny's words, Lisa sat straighter anyway. When the so called Legends came back the first time around, all Mick told her was that Leonard was gone. It was only when they came back for the second time that he told her the details.

Did Mick listen to these tapes before he decided to tell her? Was this the only way he had to gather the balls to face her?

She crossed her legs Indian style on the top of her bed and listened closely to her brother's words.

_The short answer as to why your name is on this list, Cisco, is because you invented my cold gun. Without it, I would never, ever have gotten to where I am right now, and that's a fact. I wouldn't have faced the Flash properly, and I wouldn't have mended things with Mick after shit went down between us the way it had. I wouldn't have an excuse to spend more time with my little sister, causing havoc._

_See, that's where the longer answer comes into play. It has less to do with your mad scientist_ vibe _and more to do with your humanity._

_It's not like I didn't know how human you are, that's not it. It's more like…_

_It's so easy to forget that people are just people, ain't it?_

_I know I like to pride myself as the crook who knew exactly where to hit, because I'm damn good at it, no lie. But sometimes, I just have to remind myself. I have to take a deep breath and repeat the words in my head._

_We are just people. This, right here, is ephemeral and full of feelings and regrets. And humanity, ladies and gents, is manageable._

_I say that because most things aren't. Fate isn't. Destiny. Legacy. Power – in a superhero kind of way. Those things are shaped as you go and make your decisions; they are apart from you, yet intrinsically connected to your being._

_It's to the human side of people that we have to plead to when it comes to it. It was how I managed to bring Mick back every single time we had a falling out, even when we were kids. It's what we aim to when we really want to hurt somebody._

_Savage knows that, y'all realize? All these months, he's been torturing us with what we treasure the most._

_It's been making me circle back to that day, Cisco, when Lisa, Mick and I got a hold of you and your brother in order for you to fix me a new gun. We weren't very nice with the Ramon brothers, I'm aware, but that whole day, as we poked and tortured you, as I forced you into answers, one thing you said stuck with me._

Caitlin looked over across the room, where Cisco pretended to focus on his engineering. He had walked in on her trying to sneak out with his boom box, and his face shone with understanding.

"You got the tapes," he had said with a little gasp, and he pushed her back to the study. "If you want to listen to it while you work, you better do it in here. There are other people who aren't supposed to listen to it just yet."

"Wait, are you in the tapes?"

Cisco nodded.

"I'm number two," he said. He didn't look very worried. Maybe those tapes were about something lighter than she expected. "That sounds not good said out loud. _I'm number two_."

She saw as he tensed a little whenever Dante was mentioned, making it hard to pretend that she didn't see that he was listening, too. Again.

"How many times have you listened to those things?" Caitlin asked softly. Cisco swallowed.

"Twice the day I got them, and a third time while I decided how to pass it on."

_You said I'm a good brother._

_Even though that remains debatable, for some reason I couldn't stop thinking about it. Sometimes, I find myself remembering those words out of the blue, mostly after I do something good._

_I'm a good person, I think. Even though I'm not nice, even though I'm unorthodox. Even though most of the time I'm good, I have my own personal reasons to be so._

_That is not how I thought before our encounter, Cisco. Before, I only thought I was selfish. I didn't think I was being good for anyone but myself and maybe Lisa._

_You showed me, in such a tiny, unpretentious way, that there was more to me than expected, I think. Maybe._

_Maybe you didn't mean it at all. Nevermind, really. Because if you're listening to this, it's because I'm gone._

_Kinda of a downer, huh? To find out you did something to someone and caused an impact when it's too late._

_That's the cost of me not giving you the pleasure of me commending any of you in person, because I'm an asshole._

_It's okay, I can live with the label._

_So yeah, you created a cold gun and made me Captain Cold. Hell, you even gave me that alias – genially, I should add. I_ love _that title._

 _(If any of you repeat that to anyone outside this list, I_ will _haunt you)_

_But you also tapped into some of my humanity, managed it without realizing it, just by saying two words: You too. Instigating an internal debate to make me understand that yeah… I am a good brother. I did whatever I could and I kept us alive._

_And now I'm somewhat_ more _. And a 'more' different from the 'more' I would be, had I stayed in Central City being a Rogue._

_I guess that's quite the leap._

Laying on her back, Sara fidgeted with the pieces of the cold gun that were in her bag. Ray gave it to her after he dismantled it to stop the bombing, told her that Mick didn't want to keep it anymore.

She looked over at the coffee table where the box with the other tapes were waiting, and wondered when she'd be addressed. Would it take too long? How much more about this man she'd have to find out before it was her turn to find out their truth?

Sara took a deep breath and fixed the headphones to listen to him better. As a matter of fact, getting to her tape wasn't really important, if she gave in to what her aching heart had to say. It was the last thing left of him, and she wanted to savor it.

_I think it's safe to assume that you all watched Pay it Forward, and I gotta tell you, that shit… it works._

_Forward we go._

_Cassie, you're next._


	4. Tape 2, Side A

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so, so sorry it took so long to post, but have college ever sucked the life out of you? I have so much to do! Life sucks, guys.
> 
> ANYWAY. I finally got some time to write and here it is! You ready for another tape? I'm oddly proud of this one. Hope you guys like it too and leave a review at the end, pretty please. I'll try not to take for fucking ever to write the next one.  
> 15 days for the end of the semester. As we say in my little land: faith in God, DJ.
> 
> Have a nice read!

_I'm gonna need you to know what I'm talking about here, now, because it's a big part of what happened in the future._

_Isn't it kinda weird to put things this way? 'What happened in the future'. Huh. How odd that our past is up ahead._

_The thing is that… I'm gonna need you to have watched that movie. Pay it Forward. Because it wasn't intentional when I did the things I did, but it's what came to my mind after it happened._

_So go ahead, get your HBO Go or Netflix or whatever device you have that could have the movie in the catalogue and go for it. Watch it._

_It's okay, I'm not going nowhere. I can wait._

Sara had watched that movie, she remembered it. She remembered the screams when Jon Bon Jovi came to the screen. She remembered crying her eyes out at the end, feeling so very betrayed.

She looked over the window at Jitters, where the sun was coming in all yellow and pink that afternoon, a mug of Zoom in her hands. Sara had the Walkman in her pocket, brand new headphones around her neck as she looked around trying to figure out if anyone in that coffee shop could understand what she was going through.

She was listening to those tapes slower than she thought she would when she first heard his voice, all because she didn't want it to end.

A shadow came over her left shoulder, and Sara spun around to see who was lurking. To her surprise, Kendra was there.

"Still can't sneak up on you," she said, sighing dramatically, and Sara's face lit up.

"And you never will," Sara said proudly. Kendra mirrored her smile. "I didn't think I would see you in Star City!"

She got up and hugged her friend carefully, in order to not drop the other woman's beverage. It'd been almost two years since Kendra and Carter parted ways with the Legends, and Sara knew that they had a lot of catching up to do.

"I have… business here for a few days," Kendra said, all cryptic, and Sara frowned briefly. "What are you listening to?"

For a moment, Sara had forgotten about the headphones and the Walkman. She wondered how she looked to outsiders, all plain and wearing this oversized jacket.

"What?" she said automatically and then shook her head. " _Oh_ , this. It's just… something I found in my sister's apartment."

Kendra looked sympathetically at her.

"How have you been hanging on?"

Sara shrugged.

"I'm… better, I guess," she said swallowing, her fingers on the Walkman unintentionally. She had so much to say, but it was still so early.

Sara looked up at Kendra again, realizing that she was letting the silence linger for a little too long.

"Sit down, do you have time?" she suggested glancing at Kendra's drink-to-go. The Hawkgirl made an apologetic face.

"I actually don't, but I'm in the city for a while! Let's do something, how about that?" Kendra suggested, and Sara nodded.

"Sounds good. Still got the same number?"

"Yes, I do," Kendra said nodding. "I will text you later, okay?"

"Okay," Sara said and smiled. She sighed happily. "It's so good to see you, K."

"It's good to see you too, Sara," she replied. Did Sara detect some relief in her friend's voice? "You take care, okay?"

Sara nodded.

"Always do," she replied, and after another quick hug, she watched her friend go.

Sara sat down again in front of her coffee and took the Walkman from her pocket. There was a Garfield sticker on the front that was almost completely faded. She had to rewind the tape, because all the while as she talked to Kendra, the tape was rolling, and it took her a while to find the spot she had stopped at.

… _can wait._

Silence followed for about fifteen seconds and then he was back.

 _Was that enough? Did you feel betrayed? I know Lisa did. I remember driving back home with an inconsolable sister in the passenger seat who just couldn't understand why – spoiler alert – the boy, that boy who did so much good in other people's lives, couldn't just_ live _._

_Remember what I told you, sis?_

"Sometimes we don't live up to see the changes that we've set in motion," Lisa said to herself, her eyes filled with tears again. She hated that movie so fucking much.

_Sometimes…_

_We don't live up to see the changes we've made._

_And I'd say more: sometimes all we can focus on is the damage, because it's so_ loud _, so noisy, so blatant. But if there's a lesson in Pay it Forward, it is that goodness and care and change are seeds, and they surface when you least expect._

_Didn't I just prove it to you, with Cisco's tape? I'm telling you, that shit works._

_Walk with me, now, ladies and gents, I have a point to get to._

_Cassie, you must be wondering where you get into it. Hear me out here, won't you?_

_Wait. Was that another joke?_

_You know it was. I know every single one of you will hear me out loud and clear. How so? I just do, down to number 13._

_So you all already watched the movie, and you all already know what happened, most of you, when we plucked little Cassie Savage out of her tight boxy world._

_Usually, I'm the guy who doesn't give many shits to the surroundings when I'm in a job, but I think – hell, I'm_ certain _– that it was that knowing stare of yours that dragged me in and set things in motion._

_See, in part, I didn't want to care. You were Daddy's little girl, so deep in his bullshit… and we had just gone through so much trouble with that little fucker Per Degaton that for a moment there I was like, okay, she knows who we are, we have to adapt our plans and kill the bitch._

_But on the other side, I am Lewis Snart's son. In a way, I knew you, too. Perhaps more than you thought you knew me._

_In this same beaten down crappy ship I'm currently living in, I showed you the truth, because you needed a wake up call the way I needed that bank alarm to go off when I was fourteen. Both things – the one that happened to me and the one I did to you – were eye openers._

_Don't you agree?_

_That after that the truth was just as blatant as the chaos? That the cause was so much more noisy than you thought? That there was so much more going on, and even so in our smallness we could be_ so loud _._

_Cassie, Cassie… you little Scandal. You took what I said and what I told you and turned it into a rumble._

_I was so proud of you for that, still am. And when I saw you take action against your father, I thought… that perhaps I planted a seed._

_Here's a chain for y'all:_

_A nerd called Cisco reminded Cold of his humanity, a seed watered by some other people waiting for their name to pop out (oh, yes, I'm gonna torture without telling you beforehand when it's your turn, because I'm evil). A crook called Cold saw a child corrupted by evil turn his back on what's right and when the opportunity came to face another kid that could screw the world over… he showed another side of things._

_And that kid… decided to do what is right._

_Look at you now, Cassie; you can bear fruits._

_I don't know if I'll be able to see mine spread – damn, isn't it the point of these tapes after all? – but you might just… be. All you have to do is look closely._

Martin swallowed as a memory came through. Lily was real for a while now, but every now and then he had these warm new bits of experiences with her coming to him, like they had been dormant. He saw 11 years old Lilian Stein at dinner after a school trip to the movies chatting excitedly with clear wide eyes.

"I'm telling you dad, it could be as precise as our science. Doing good things for whoever is worthy."

So much wisdom in the little ones.

_And maybe the twelve of you who were blessed with having to listen to yours truly again for a few hours might want to take the advice too, who knows?_

_How many chains twelve people can put in motion doing something nice – or maybe something_ right _– to another three each?_

_Raymond, you do the math._


	5. Tape 2, Side B

The static filled the room for long enough for Ray to forget that he had actually turned the tape and pressed play. It was silent for long enough for him to look down at the Walkman and confirm that he had, indeed, pressed play. Maybe the tape got stuck? – no, he checked it out, it was rolling.

It was playing, but Leonard hadn't said anything yet.

Funny.

He waited a little longer, maybe a whole couple of minutes, and he thought he heard some faint footsteps cracking the floorboards, or squeaking in the metal. He couldn't tell for sure.

Yeah, definitely more than a couple of minutes. That would be… a whole Bold song, if Ray wanted to throw back a few decades. Gee, he was getting old.

Raymond Palmer, proud owner of a Walkman and failed straight edge punk. That could be on his tombstone someday, and he didn't think he'd mind.

Quietly, Leonard finally started his new tale.

_Shhhhh…_

_We have to stay real quiet for this one. Hold on._

…

_Shhh._

When the second tape ended, Mr. Snart said that Cassandra Savage would be the subject of the next tape, and when he finished her tape, he mentioned Mr. Palmer.

Perhaps, Stein wondered, it was Raymond's tape now, if he was to follow that logic.

But he also had to remember that although Leonard Snart had an incredibly sharp mind, his logic didn't work in the same level was everyone else's. Martin wouldn't put all his coins on that obvious bet.

There was never anything obvious about Snart.

_We are walking – or flying, or… whatever – into a booby trap. I know because I know things._

_I'm not saying I have full knowledge of things, like an Oracle or something, but I've lived in this world for forty-four years and I'm a Snart. Sensing that things are about to go south is in my DNA._

_Not to brag, obviously, it's just a family trait._

_Except… well, father was a shitty senser, that's for sure. But again, he was much fonder of shoot before asking questions, so there's that-oops! Shhhh._

Leonard's voice dropped considerably and he went quiet again, giving Jax time to get comfortable. That seemed like it'd be a good tape.

He heard something that sounded mildly familiar, but couldn't place exactly what it was. Luckily for him, Snart spoke again, still in that low voice.

_This hushed business is louder than one'd think._

_Anyway. I think you are all curious to know why we're so quiet. Well, it's actually kind of silly, but also important for this tape._

_I said it before, we're walking into a booby trap, and I'm not repeating myself to sound funny. This is serious. Very, deeply serious._

_Even though part of me wants to believe that things will be alright, I can't help but think about Alexa. Ask Mick what I mean with that, or maybe even Lisa would be able to explain; there's no way in hell I'm going into details about that._

_Here's what you've got to know: Alexa reminds me of that time things went so sideways I ended up with my nice ass in jail._

_Now, of course I didn't_ stay  _there for long. I mean, you'd figure prison breaks are a bit of my specialty, but it was enough to color my experiences forever._

_Huh._

_I'm talking too much when I shouldn't. I'm here to listen._

_Listen._

For a while, Sara thought that silence had fallen again, and she didn't understand Leonard's point at all to leave all those gaps, but then she heard it… just the faintest of the voices, the squeak of shoes pacing the floor. No, not pacing, going to a side to the other of the room.

Where  _was_  he? And who was talking?

She didn't know the voices, couldn't understand the words. Besides, Jitters was getting too noisy.

Sara hit stop and fished her phone from her pocket, already opening the delivery app. She was heading back to the apartment, where (okay) it was familiar and lonely, but also quiet, and she would be able to listen better. Maybe somewhere silent she'd be able to understand what was being said, like Leonard did.

When the voice started to make sense, she found out it was a child… and then a woman.

"… _and we love you."_

" _Anything else you want to say?"_

" _Come home soon, Daddy."_

Leonard's voice cut it short. Barry couldn't place what was it that made him sound so different so suddenly. Anything that was said before those words was too muffled to make sense, but…

Who was this tape destined to anyway?

_Hm. That's… a little cruel. He's been listening to it for a while now in a loop. I wonder…_

…

_No, I'm not going there. I don't want to go anywhere today._

_All I want to do is record this tape and get it over with._

_Anyway._

_I didn't have anything planned to say, in part because usually I don't have any, and in part because this tape is for someone who's been a big pain in my ass for a while now. I thought… that if I was ever to talk about him, it'd be something humorous, you know? With that half annoyed turn of mouth that says 'you know what? I kinda like you though,' but I can't do that, not here, not under these circumstances._

_Here's what you already know – that we're going to do something really dangerous soon, and that I don't like how it makes me feel._

_And here's what most of you don't know. This piece of shit some call a timeship, the Waverider, is layered and shaped much like a maze. I know that because Mick and I make sure to find out every crease of our locations in order to find escape routes and stash goodies. That's just something that we do, as the exalted crooks that we are._

_There are many in-betweens in this ship, and I'm in one of them. I came because it's "bedtime" and something is off, so I'm checking. Also, I wanted to record this tape today just in case something happens tomorrow that would cloud my thoughts about him. You. Rip. Because, you know… I'd rather you listen to a calm truth than a flamboyant rant – and I'm oh, so good at those._

_That's why I had the recorder with me._

_Do you guys recognize that voice?_

…

"… _want to know if you're all right. Wherever you are, whenever you are, I love you, Rip."_

…

" _Go ahead, Jonas, he's listening."_

_Figured it out? I did in the first try, but to be fair, I was peeking._

_I told you, it's cruel. But I've been hidden here for… fifteen minutes now and everyone is asleep, so very hopeful…_

_I just figured… you must be hopeful too. Terrified, certainly, but hopeful that after tomorrow you will finally be able to… go… home._

_That might feel so crazy, doesn't it, Rip? Home, to your wife and child, wow._

_It's been a while since I saw Lisa. I miss the kid. My baby sister, your tape is coming soon, promise._

_I've a feeling I'll have to record them fast. I don't know what tomorrow brings, and I don't like to think about it, but sitting right here and watching you through this thin crack, Rip, I bet tomorrow is everything you can think of._

_Wh-_

" _And we love you."_

" _And we love you."_

…

…

_Why are you doing this to yourself, Rip? It's… too much._

_Hit stop._

_Enough._

_Rip…_

_That's… wrong. And I know it's probably the last thing you have of them, but you're torturing yourself watching this over and over. You shouldn't do that, you don't deserve it._

_Stop it._

Leonard grew louder at each word. It seemed that he wanted to be caught, maybe because that would lead Rip to actually stop replaying the message the way Snart wanted him to.

Caitlin felt bad for the former Time Master. She knew how it was to replay something over and over looking for a solution or sometimes not even that, just looking for an extra tip as to what should be done next, even knowing that there was nothing there.

Most of all, she knew the results of that mission they were heading into during the recording of those tapes, knew that Rip would never see his wife and child alive again, and that worsened things, made them sadder.

_You don't deserve the burden of carrying the destiny of your family on your sleeve. Destiny is just a thing that carries us away. You don't have a say on how things will turn out, not even if you're traveling through time fixing history._

_How many times, Rip, did you say that time likes to happen?_

_Tell you what, we're not responsible for our future, same way we weren't of our past. We're temporary, just like Jonas and Miranda, and eventually we'll be gone. When things are out of our reach and we are out of resources, it's time to let go._

_So far, we don't have a way to bring your family back without destroying the intrinsic thread we formed here, in this group you so wrongly titled Legends, but we're trying to live up to that name, and maybe, someday, we'll figure it out, crack the code._

_Until then, take some deep breaths, let go._

_Rip, be a little gentler with yourself._

_We're going to the thing with the Time Masters with you and we've got your back, but first you have to find it in you to keep moving forward._

_You haven't yet. You're trying, but haven't yet, and it pains me to admit that it worries me._

_Come on, Captain, hit stop. Go to bed, have some rest. Tomorrow is a big day._

_Huh._

_Can't believe I'm secretly dad-ing you. Tell no one!_

…

" _We miss you."_

" _And we love you."_

" _And we love you."_

…

" _I miss you too, my darlings."_

…

_You stopped. And you turned it off… leaving the office._

_That's good. Be nicer to yourself, Rip. You've suffered for too long and you deserve good things. Go find them._

_Damn, that's nothing like what I was going to say, but it's okay. It's fine. In the end, it's what you should hear from me. I actually kind of like you, even though you try really hard to be the worst._

_Yeah, it's what you should hear._


	6. Tape 3, Side A

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! And with no classes, I think there might be a chance to finish this fic before season 3 starts? Maybe? Fingers crossed, guys.
> 
> My beta is unavailable, so any mistake or gibberish is my fault, sorry!
> 
> Thanks for reading and staying with me, I hope you like this chapter. Next tape will come shortly, I hope. x

_I can't sleep. It's a shame because I was kinda sleepy – you know? When you're kinda sleepy? – but then I decided to go check on the ship and all, because it was bugging me and you know what happened. And now I'm awake and since I don't have anything better to do, I might as well record as many tapes as I can._

There was this heavy silence in the S.T.A.R. Labs room that Caitlin Snow was using to listen to those tapes. Cisco wasn't around anymore, off to do something else she didn't quite pay attention to, so as for right now, she was alone and alone she played with her icy hands.

In part, she was underwhelmed. Those tapes had been around for God knew how long and they seemed to be a big deal, and yes, it was quite sad to listen to Snart's voice again, but only due to the fact that she knew he wouldn't survive. It felt… cruel of him, sort of, to go about and tell people things they won't ever be able to reattribute.

She dug that sadistic side of him a little, but on the other hand, she didn't want to know what he had to say about her.

Of course she was just starting tape 3, there were quite a few sides to get through yet, so maybe it was too soon to tell.

Quite frankly, the rest of her knew it was just her skeptical, fresh out of the cage persona trying to resurface and take over her thoughts, anxious to speed it up side after side until she'd hear her name. That underwhelmed feeling came from Frost trying to speak louder.

The cold gun figurine that she had just made out of ice fell on the floor and broke at that thought. If Caitlin learned something with her father's death, it was that she should respect the dead and their wishes. Leonard Snart could have been an ass, and he might have tried to kill her a few times, but he wanted them to listen to those tapes, all of them. He wanted them to listen, rewind and pass them on, so that was what she would do.

The sound of voices coming from the corridor made her rush to press the stop button, and right after that Cisco was back with someone on his heels.

"Look who decided not to be a stranger anymore!" he said excitedly, gesturing widely to the woman by his side, and Caitlin got up smiling.

"Kendra!" she exclaimed, rushing to hug her old friend. "It's so nice to see you!"

"Hi, Caitlin! It's good to see you too," Kendra said hugging her back.

"I heard you were in Jersey?"

"Yeah, I had been doing quite some traveling, running some errands."

Caitlin frowned stepping back.

"For whom?"

"A friend," she answered simply, not giving away any names. Well, perhaps she was in one of those secret missions again. Who knew if she wasn't from the future, on board again with one of those crazy Waverider cases Rip Hunter and Sara Lance recruited their Legends for. Caitlin was familiar with the feeling of going back to her roots – she made it back to Team Flash after everything that went on, after all, didn't she?

"Hey, how do you like lobsters?" Cisco asked, making Caitlin smile. She knew exactly where he was going with it.

"I…" Kendra answered slowly. "Like it."

"Great, because that's what Barry said he'd be making. It's a dinner for some friends, but I don't think he'll mind you going."

"You're asking me to someone else's party?" Kendra asked laughing.

"I totally am," Cisco answered quickly typing on his phone. "It's just a pre-wedding thing, and you told me you wouldn't stay for the wedding, so I bet he'll be glad to see you… just sent him a text telling him to add water to the soup. It'll be good! Come on, you coming?"

"I guess I am," Kendra said, hands up in defeat as she shared a smile with Caitlin. "Are you going with?"

"You go ahead, I'll be right behind you," Caitlin guaranteed, casting a glance to the shoebox by the boom box on the table. When she looked at Kendra again, the Hawkgirl was looking at the box too, a slight frown on her face. "I just have to grab some things."

"Sure," Kendra said snapping out of her glance and smiling. "Just please don't leave me alone in this."

"Alone?" Cisco exclaimed offended. "What's that nonsense, Kendra, we're among  _amigos_  in here!"

With an arm around her shoulders, he led her outside talking nonstop about all the preparation he'd been doing for Barry's bachelor party and how it was going to be the neatest party of the year. They did have a lot to celebrate, that's for sure.

Caitlin looked back at the boom box again and sighed. Seemed like that tape would have to stay for later anyway, might as well get going. She took the tape from the radio and put it back in its case, setting it amongst the other tapes in the shoe box. She got her bag and phone and left the room, the figurine of the gun laid broken on the floor.

_I'm at the fabrication room because it's got these rejected comforters that were replaced for much softer versions according to Gideon and she didn't take the time to recycle them yet._

" _I will let you know, Mr. Snart, that I've been fairly busy and awfully mishandled the past days."_

_I seem to recall that, Gideon, thank you very much._

_She's just sassy that way, you see. Who_ programmed _you?_

" _Barry Allen."_

 _Barry Allen? Really? With_ that _level of shade?_

" _There were some modifications, but that's classified information."_

_Oh, is it? Interesting. Why is it classified?_

" _Can't tell you that."_

_Dang, those are the moments I wish I was nerd enough to tap on those things. Sometimes Gideon is such a smart-ass that I think I was the one who tweaked with her._

…

_You know, I just had this feeling that she would immediately tell me off if it wasn't me. Was it me? Will it be me? Whatever._

…

" _Are you recording this tape for me, Mr. Snart? Because I have a much more efficient way of keeping your confessions, and you know it."_

_No, Gideon, this tape is not for you, it's for another Smart-Ass Big Brain of this crew. Speaking of, can you access a specific day of ship data and show it to me now? I'm not sleepy anyway._

" _That depends. Several data from before the Leviathan were severed."_

_Well, that's from after. Try… library before lunch a couple of days ago, please._

" _Right away."_

_There's only one person who will know what I'm talking about – Professor Stein._

" _Audio?"_

_No, just image is fine. Thanks, Gideon._

_You don't need the audio, it's not important._

_If you had not been in this ship for a while before, I'll tell you something else about it that I think you should be aware of: it gets boring pretty fast._

_Have you ever watched_ Big Brother _?_

_Yeah, like that._

_So there's only a certain amount of things you can do while in here; you can work out, spar, eat, sleep… you can pick a random movie from 2076, for example, and be disgusted with what indie cinema will become. You can tell Netflix to kiss your ass and head straight to season 5 of_ Stranger Things _– them Duffer Brothers know how to go out with a bang, don't they? I'm shocked they got to go as far as season 5, but also glad._

_And you can do as I did and spend a lot of time playing cards with a cute blonde, or banging your brain in chess with one of the most brilliant minds of the century._

_There, Stein, I said it._

_I know I act sooooo cool when I play, but I gotta admit that behind that demeanor I'm actually sweating to outsmart you._

_Two days ago, you told me it doesn't take much for me to outsmart you and that was one of the nicest things you ever said to me. It was kinda moving, actually, but I'm too much of a stone cold bastard to shed a tear over compliments._

_You see, I know I'm smart, no need for modesty now. But some of you are certified genius and sometimes it's like… I've been busting my ass my whole life to get through and find a way to do this life thing, and when you guys say it – Snart, you're smarter than you let show – it's like…_

_Yeah… you know what, I am._

_Reinforcement, right? Works wonders._

_But I'm not recording this tape because someone told me I'm smart. Professor Stein, only two people in this ship saw through me besides Mick and you're one of them. Not at first sight, not in a rooftop or fighting Chronos to get out of the seventies, but when you were sick and tired of beating Ray on chess games and I took his place, when fifteen minutes into that game you looked at the table and smiled._

_And then, when missions came, you listened to me. Even before Russia, you saw me, and by seeing me, I saw you._

_Mick and I are the crooks, and we do our side of mischief, I know. But perhaps Stein was the only one who understood that I always thought ahead. I have worse case scenarios all over my brain in organized drawers, there isn't a step that wasn't thought out._

_You know that, Professor, because we're the same. That thing about equals repealing only work for magnets. You just_ get _me, don't you?_

_So I'm confident that you'll understand what I mean with these tapes. I think you'll be able to appreciate them._

_I couldn't not include you in them, because in some twisted way you're kind of how I aspire to be – an annoyingly clever and lovable asshole. You know you're these things, and you keep doing you shamelessly._

_Same, same, you and I._

_Just don't let it get over your head and know when to appreciate other people's intelligence too. You know I learned it the hard way with Mick, don't follow my lead. Jax will agree with me, won't you, Kid?_

_These tapes are taking an emotional turn, aren't they? Kinda sensitive. Blergh._

" _I think it's sweet of you, Mr. Snart."_

 _Gideon, you don't_ think  _anything. You said that like, a thousand times._

" _Well, I was tweaked to become more interesting."_

 _Who would_ want _that?_

" _That's classif-"_

_Classified, yeah, whatever. Next tape, y'all._


End file.
